Get Rid of that 5%

We got our March financial report...two new donors for one-time gifts. At first I was disappointed (I know, how selfish of me) but I look back now and that was money that we didn't have before...PRAISE JESUS!!! I've discovered the hard way, that I am naturally a negative thinker. It kills me to say it, but admitting it is the first step, right? For so much of my life I think I put on a facade about being "miss positive attitude." And even though in some things, such as sports, I do have a positive attitude, in most things my first initial reaction is almost always negative. Maybe I just wasn't mature enough to see my flaw or maybe God is just choosing to reveal this to me now, but either way it is more evident than ever.

Because of the situations that Mike and I are facing, it is forcing me to trust not only in God's power of provision but also in the fact that no matter what I want or think, God knows best. Although I want to say that I whole-heartedly believe that this is exactly where he wants us, I honestly have no idea. I mean I want this to be where I am going but you never know what God has planned. I feel like there is a continual battle inside of me everyday, that when these trivial things happen (like not having very much support yet) I wrestle with:

"Is this God telling me that this isn't where we are supposed to be?" or "Is this Satan just trying to discourage me?"

Have you ever had that battle? It's awful...I mean it truly is. When you are standing in the gap wondering if God is talking or Satan is whispering in your ear. I JUST WANT TO KNOW!!!! It's like I'm 95% trusting and 5% doubting. What will it take to get rid of that 5%???