Polishing Character

Girls Group 2 -Week 4

I'm not gonna lie. Week four is my favorite week. And not just because we get to paint our nails.

If there is one thing that I have learned since becoming a missionary (and I use that term loosely because I truly believe God calls us to be missionaries whether we live outside of our native country or not) is serving. I am going to be completely honest with you. Before I moved here, I had one genuine opportunity where I served and that was on a missions trip to Africa. Other than that it was either forced because I had to do community service for National Honor Society or because I needed "humanitarian" hours for a class. I was NOT a servant. Nor did I have a servant's heart. And even now, living on the mission field, with a special title like "missionary" that rings of servanthood and sacrifice...it's still a struggle sometimes.

There are things that Jesus did and aspects of His character that are absolutely mind-blowing to me. Because these things He did for the people, the way He treated them, how He cared for them; it was natural. He didn't have to try and care about them; He just did. He didn't have to trudge through another healing; He just did it. He didn't roll His eyes every time God asked Him to speak to the crowds or dine with prostitutes or hold a leper; He just did it. Serving was interwoven into the very core of His being.

I know its in me too. Unfortunately, years of selfishness and pride have made it a bit rusty. But every time I see these girls, every time they hug me, every time they flash a shy smile at me when I tell them how much I love them...I see how serving them can become natural.

When we read the story of Jesus washing His disciples feet it hit me all over again just what kind of God I serve. I want these girls to know it too. I want them to know just how big He really is. That He's bigger than crappy parents, abandonment and sexual abuse. He's bigger than all of it. And I'd like to believe that if Jesus were walking among us today, He'd love nothing more than to paint these little girls' toenails too.

a dear friend donated several funky nail polish colors and supplies for this class...and the girls went crazy over them!

Girls Group 2 - Week 3

This post is going to prove just how behind I am on blogging. Sheesh.

Week 3 was also Christmas week. Which for me, means party. Really, I look for any reason to party. But I wanted to make sure they knew why we celebrate Christmas. And honestly, here, getting presents and going crazy decorating and getting all wrapped up in the hustle and bustle aren't distractions. So what better time to make sure they understood the Reason for Christmas.

I had Yolibeth (from the first girls group) read the Birth of Jesus to the younger girls. Surprisingly, they were pretty attentive and not too distracted or antsy. Yoli is such a light to me. She is sweet, tender-hearted, reserved, laid back, caring, thoughtful and the list goes on. I really hope these younger girls find a way to cling to her and look up to her. She is an incredible example of a teenager doing her best to take the right paths.

There's Estefany. My little artist.

My mom sent a Christmas package down to us which included SUPER cute cupcake papers. The girls went CRAZY over them. They thought they were so adorable. It took them almost a half an hour to start digging in because they didn't want to throw the paper away. Thanks, Mama!!!

The older girls and I listened to music and cut out snowflakes. I thought it would be something fun for us to do considering none of them have EVER seen snow. They were a little unsure at first but by the end of the morning we had a pile of about 50 of them.

They also stayed after their class to help Yudy make new window treatments for the holidays. Our snowflakes fit perfectly with her theme and the girls did an awesome job. Yudy was so excited because she said it was the first time she didn't have to do it alone. She loved seeing the girls take some ownership of the church, even if it was just to make some decorations.

My teenage decorators, oh yeah, and Yudy!

It was bitter sweet saying goodbye because I knew I was going to take the next week off to spend some time with our little family. But it was a great way to close out 2011 and look forward to the New Year!

Girls Group 2 - Week 2 (continued)

Just a quick continued update on the older group.

Week 2 is a great week to chat and have fun. We cut out cute outfits from a magazine (some completely inappropriate, others super fashionable) to discuss what we should wear and why. It sparked some good conversation considering all of these girls are 15 and under and sometimes wear clothes that are a bit too provocative. We talked a lot about the difference between being "classy, sexy" and being "trashy/sexy." I finally got some laughs out of them. (And on a side note: the word "sexy" in Spanish is completely different than in English. Here it just means you look smashing.)

We added a new girl to our older girls' group, named Mirianni. She is 15 and I love her. She is spunky and sincere and she is one of the few who looks me in the eyes when she talks to me. You may think that's not a big deal but let me tell you, it is.

This group of girls has already been such a blessing to me. You can just tell that they are hungry to learn, they may not know it or admit it...but I know. I can't tell you how much I love each of them. I love them for trusting me. I love them for being honest. I love them for showing up. I know some of the hurts of their pasts and it is such a testament of God's grace that he is entrusting them to my care.

Girls Group 2 - Week 2

i am completely behind on posting but i have been working tirelessly the last couple days to catch up. so here i am. back-posting again.

Week 2 is always our body image/self-esteem/nutrition week. I have had to adjust the curriculum a little bit for this younger crew because quite frankly they aren't at the same level of understanding as the other girls. So instead of our normal cutting-outfits-out-of-a-magazine fun, we decided to draw instead. And even this proved to be a bit difficult.

The more I work with these young girls the more i realize how behind they are creatively. I mean, I understand that not everyone is capable of being Van Gogh but everyone is capable of creating. What I thought was a simple task of asking them to draw a picture of themselves, proved to be intensely difficult with some of the girls even crumpling up their papers and tears running down cheeks. No one wanted to do it on their own and almost every girl wanted to just take the one I drew of myself and put their paper over the top and trace. I, of course, wouldn't let them do it. Which is when the paper started crumpling and tears started streaming.

Estefany was one of the only girls who took the initiative to draw her own girl and soon her paper was being passed around to be traced. I sat there, as girls struggled just to draw a circle for a face or two dots for eyes and really wondered what the real issue was here.

They have colored before and they all color quite well but creating something is a totally different story. The education system here is very different from in the States. No one is in school for an entire day; they either attend morning session or afternoon session. In the case of some older students they actually start school at 6pm and end somewhere close to 10. But I imagine that a curriculum containing, legitimately, only 4 hours of school doesn't have room for art class.

I know that in the States there have been so many arguments for and against having the arts in a school curriculum. I have, obviously, always been in favor given the fact that I have always been an art student. But what some people call a waste of time, I call the ability to problem solve, create ideas and brainstorm. Art is so much more than scribbling something on a piece of paper; it is the mind's ability to be free.

I couldn't help but leave class feeling a little defeated...maybe even a little overwhelmed. I know, I know, all because of a little drawing failure. For me, it was so much more than just realizing that they can't create, it was realizing that they maybe can't even dream beyond their circumstances. They can't even think past what they are surrounded by to make a cute dress on their stick figure. They can't envision themselves going to a place they've always wanted to go.

But we move on. We keep going. I keep showing up. Because I believe that God has real purpose for placing THIS dream specifically in me. It can't be a mistake that I am an artist. It can't be a coincidence that there is nothing that ignites me more than dreams and hope and change. It may be the very thing He has me there for; to tell them if they look a little harder, dream a little bigger, that they can see beyond their circumstances.

Girls Group 2 - Week 1

Meet my new girls!

Mariela - Age 8, Yissell - Age 11, Estefany - Age 12

Rosio - Age 9, Ana Cristina - Age 8, Magdalena - Age 11

Cindy (Nena) - Age 11, Yennyfer (Uva) - Age 8, Rossy - Age 9

Grismarly (Ia) - Age 9, Eliany - Age 8, Carola - Age 10

Yanibel - Age 8

Meet my new older girls group!

Elisabeth - Age 13, Maria - Age 14

Angelica (Nana) - Age 14, Lisbeth - Age 12

It was so good to see SO many girls show up on the first day of class. We switched the time to the morning so that the girls who couldn't attend the afternoon classes because of school could participate this time around. I really enjoy being in The Hole first thing in the morning. I always go an hour early, drink coffee with the ladies (and sometimes some of my girls from the previous class) and just catch up on life.

After introductions, we started with the same craft we did with the previous class. Although it was fun to try it, it most definitely did not go as smoothly with this age group. The young girls had a lot of trouble with it, so it required A LOT of attention and explaining and re-explaining. But it was still good to introduce them to doing something creative.

There is something I'm beginning to discover that bothers me quite a bit. Growing up in "my world" I had ample opportunity to express myself artistically and creatively. Everywhere I turned there were more chances to interject myself in art projects or take a photography classes or paint murals on the walls of my high school. These girls from The Hole, it almost seems like they can't think creatively. I mean, maybe with a little direction and a lot of hand-holding, but seriously barely any of these girls could look at what I was showing them and re-create it themselves. They had to watch, had to do exactly as I did; they couldn't think of a way to do it on their own, with their own style. I'm not sure exactly what it means but I'm going to explore a little more of what seems to be causing this lack of creativity. Although, I have to note: Estefany (also called Esther) was quite artistic. She barely needed assistance and was often helping other girls with theirs. Her butterfly barrette was beautifully made and I see a lot of potential in her in possibly doing some great crafts in the future.

As we ended the day in prayer and I bowed my head, I was grateful...and frustrated. This age group (the 8-12 year olds) were hard to lasso in. They chatted and interrupted and fought with each other over a pair of scissors. I kept telling God during the prayer that I didn't think I was cut out for these younger girls, maybe I should focus on the older girls who actually listen. But I heard his gentle voice say, "Mandi, they need you too."

The more I am in The Hole, the more I fall in love with it. As I walk down the dirty staircase that leads to this building of hope, I feel my heart settle. I have a peace that shouldn't be there walking through a trash dump. But when I give kisses to little kids that jump in my arms and hug moms that I've recently befriended, I sometimes wish I didn't have to leave. Like, I just want to be there, doing life with them..whatever that may look like.

She's Here!!!!

a few days after the first picture above was taken of carolina and big brother eliezer, the second picture above was taken of sweet, little steisy alina (pronounced stay-cee uh-leen-a). she was born on december 15th at about 10:30 am via c-section. they didn't tell us her weight or her length. just that she was healthy and content.

it was a little shocking for me to walk into a room to see steisy and her mom and have to greet five other moms who had all just given birth within the last 24 hours. carolina had just had her c-section a few hours before and had no privacy to recover. i wanted to wheel her into a private room, grab a nurse to be at her every beck and call and paint over the peeling teal walls with a soothing periwinkle. seemed like another life away.

this little beauty is the first baby born from one of the girls in my pregnant mom's class. i've been waiting for so long to meet her. and she was SO worth the wait.

a few weeks ago, carolina asked if i would be steisy's madrina, or basically, her godmother. i, of course, said yes. i couldn't imagine wanting anything more. i held her for two hours straight and stared at her as she slept peacefully.

carolina and her little girl went home to the hole the day after and are both recuperating well. continue to pray for both of them as they adjust to this new norm. especially be praying for steisy, as the last time i talked with carolina, steisy was having some trouble latching on and carolina desperately wants to breastfeed.

so overjoyed with this new life. can't wait to watch her grow up.

Week 8 - The Last Class

the final class came. i was dreading it on one hand and looking forward to it on the other. dreading it because we were going to talk about sex (yikes!) and because no more seeing these girls weekly. looking forward to it because, lets be honest, its always a good feeling when something comes to completion.

i combined the two classes and had our pregnant girls join the others. which proved to be a good decision. when talking about sex, its always good to have people that have been in their shoes. sometimes kids don't want to hear about sex from adults who are old! (i used that term very gently because i am NOT old...haha!) my 13-year old that is pregnant was able to speak more honestly about being a teenager and being pregnant than i could having been pregnant in my 20's. and it was good. she let them know it wasn't easy. she couldn't get comfortable. she couldn't sleep well. she didn't know if she'd know how to care for a baby when her's was born. i was thinking in my head, "i felt all those things and i wasn't even a teenager."

we talked about the more serious side of sex as well; as a number of girls i've spoken to on this island (not just in The Hole) have been sexually abused as children. it's never easy to talk about it but i felt it incredibly necessary because of the girls i've spoken to who have been abused they: 1) never told anyone 2) acted as if it was just a part of life, and 3) were threatened by their abuser that if they did tell, they would kill them. i feel that, unfortunately, sexual abuse is more the norm here than just an exception. we could probably have a year long class on just how to heal from those types of deep wounds.

we also spoke on protection, STDs, being smart and abstinence. obviously, as a christian, i think that abstinence is the best route. even though i didn't choose that in my youth, as an adult i see the truth behind this biblical principal. but...i also have to be realistic. these girls are part of a culture where sometimes even in christian circles, living with someone before being "officially" married is acceptable. and just like the youth in America, most people will not wait for their future spouse. for me, the best thing besides abstinence is helping them to be informed.

when i started these groups i told them that first and foremost, i am a christian woman. transformed by my relationship with God and redeemed of my past by the blood of his son, Jesus. but secondly, i want them to know they can trust me. that i will not judge them and that i was there to teach them from my own experiences. that i care about them and their futures. and when it comes to the "sex talk" none of that changes. yes, i want nothing more for them to wait for the husband God has prepared for them. but if they don't choose that themselves, i want them to be healthy and smart. now, i did bring a five-page sheet on all the main STDs that can be contracted with photos showing sores and bugs and oozing stuff. hopefully that helps them to make better decisions :)

and with our sex talk concluded, we ate, drank and enjoyed time together. and it was my favorite part.

God put something in my heart that i could have never put there myself. he gave me a responsibility to care for these girls that is bigger than i am able to accomplish alone. i have shed more than enough tears over the burdens i bare knowing the stories of these brave girls. and i wouldn't change a single moment of it. i have never depended on God more than in these last 8 weeks. i have never lost more sleep praying for anyone in the darkness of night. i have never felt more joy (apart from my wedding day and birth of my children) than watching God do a work in them. even if i never see the final outcome of what God is doing in their lives. even if it is as small as a mustard seed. because we all know what our Father says about mustard seeds.

"...Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." -Matthew 17:20

Week 7 - Labor and Delivery

Oh, the daunting task of talking about the most difficult hours of a woman's life. Add to that daunting task the fact that the mother's are teenagers (minus Carolina). I kept it positive, reminding them that at the end of some of the most difficult hours of their lives, they will be holding the most beautiful thing they have ever seen.

We discussed pros and cons for both natural birth and C-section. Culturally, almost all women choose to have a C-section, somewhere close to 90%. I explained the importance of a vaginal birth, if they are able, considering how young they are and some of the difficulties associated with C-sections in the country they live in. But told them that they need to listen to their doctors and do what they say is best.

Although I had an emergency C-section with Landon and a planned one with Emi, I had all the comforts of amazing post-op care and really good pain meds. It's not that way in the Dominican. A friend of mine who recently gave birth via C-section only stayed in the public hospital for a little over 24 hours. She was sent home with Tylenol and a little bit of cream for her incision. Because of the high rate of drug trafficking here, it is pretty difficult to come by any type of narcotics. Good in one sense; keeping it off the market. Bad for Mom's recovering from a C-section. It was awful, seeing how much pain she had. I remember having pain even while taking Codeine, I couldn't imagine it with just a little Tylenol.

We talked about relaxation techniques, about who would be at the hospital with them and any other questions they had. I planned on showing them a 3-D delivery video but right as I was getting ready to download it and bring it to class, our electricity went out. No video.

But it was ok, we ended the class with a really good salad that Yudy and Carolina made and a couple of the girls from our girls group trickled in to join in our feast. It was such a good time sharing my experiences with these girls about labor and birth just as many women had shared their experiences with me.

Week 6 - Serving

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

I am always blown away by the characteristics of Jesus. He knows all things. Is all things. Sovereign. Supreme. Almighty. And yet, He was the most humble of us all. He doesn't possess ugly pride or feel that he is owed anything.

I wanted to teach my girls a lesson that was uncomfortable and necessary. Many times in cultures where extreme poverty is prominent, people think they can only do what is needed to survive. I know, easy for me to say. I don't live in extreme poverty. But I see it everyday. I breathe it everyday. I ache over it everyday. And God is teaching me very intentionally of not selling people short of His will for them just because of their circumstances. They are still capable of serving and loving others. In fact, God calls them too.

I read them the passage above, in fact, I read the whole story of Jesus washing His disciples feet. In Spanish. If nothing more than to be vulnerable with them. To show them how imperfect I am but still willing to do what was necessary. Teach them about serving others.

They were uncomfortable, and rightly so. In a place where most people just wear flipflops, people's feet are the most dirty of any part of the body. But it was the same in Jesus' time. That's one of the reason the disciples were so uncomfortable with the King of Kings washing their dirtiest parts. But that is why Jesus did it. It is the lowest one can get, doing the dirtiest job one can do.

I'll admit. It was fun for me to watch the girls wiggle and squirm. Some of these girls act like they are the Queen of Queens but without the humility that Jesus possesses. It was awesome seeing something that they were so awkward about in the beginning and pushing through and doing joyfully towards the end. I watched some of them transform into servants right before my eyes. The kind, I hope, one day all of them can be.

To bring in the "girly" aspect of serving, we then painted our freshly cleaned nails. No one was allowed to paint their own nails, they had to "serve" someone else in this way. All the while, the other women and I answered questions some of them had. It ranged anywhere from "How does someone learn to be humble?" to "How do I know when I'm in love?" It felt like we were in a real Dominican salon, talking about life and giving out advice!

I was super glad my friend, Brenda, showed up towards the end of our class. She jokingly calls me her Mom and the grandmother of her two children. I've been looking for a way that I can serve her and let her just be a teenager. So I painted her nails.

I never know if anything I say or anything I tell them about my past experiences is making a difference to them. If anything is sinking in. In fact, I've been praying, asking God to give me a little bit of encouragement to just know that what I'm doing is what He needs me to do there. My encouragement came.

While everyone was painting their nails and jabbering about this or that, one of my pregnant girls came into our class. She sat on a bench just watching and listening and talking to the other teachers. All of a sudden and without being asked, my 10-year old, Iveth, got up from getting her nails painted, knelt down and began washing Carolina's feet. I grabbed my camera (if nothing else so the girls didn't see me tearing up) and felt God just saying, "I will make a way."

It has been such a joy learning about these girls. It has been hard too, just knowing some of things they've gone through and are going through. But I've never been more sure of what God has called me to. Being a servant and teaching others to be one too.