Food is my "God"

Sorry...this is a long one...

I can only slightly begin to understand what half the world feels as people who are starving. A little bird spoke to me and encouraged me to fast. Ok, so it wasn't a little bird, it was my sister, Ashley. I have fasted meals before, or fasted for the wrong reasons, but since this whole adventure began I have not fasted for answers or clarification. Food has seriously been the object of my affection for as long as I can remember. For a while, it was funny. People would say I could "eat as much as the boys" or I could "pack it down with the best of them." This was fine while I was a "finely-tuned athlete"...but now that I am a cube monkey sitting in front of a computer, it has become my comfort. Some may laugh when they think of someone being obsessed with food, but realistically, it isn't a laughing matter. I can remember more times that not where I would go to food for my comfort rather than to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. How completely wrong is that??? If I am sad...I eat. If I'm happy...I eat. If I'm excited...I eat. If I'm worried...I eat. If I'm upset...I eat. Now on most scales, people would probably not even consider me as someone overweight (although I am about 20 pounds more than I should be), but spiritually, food is my stronghold.

Food is where Satan has me. I turn to food to comfort me and give me the satisfaction and affirmation I need. I'm not sure where along the line I have taught myself this, but quite honestly, it has gotten out of hand. Something that has been hitting me in all areas of my life lately is a simple word that can make quite a statement...sacrifice. How often in my daily walk with God do I truly sacrifice for His purpose and ultimate glory? Not many...if any. When the idea of fasting came about I kind of chuckled a little and in an almost egotistical way eluded to the fact that I am "above" fasting. Stop. I know that sounds ridiculous but keep reading. I look back at the conversation and see Satan creeping in where I didn't see it at the time. Satan knows that eating is my comfort...and not just eating, OVER-EATING. When I have food, I am satisfied...almost complacent. Complacency is the beginning of a useless Christian life. Something I never want to become but something that I was involuntarily allowing Satan to plant a seed for. How often do we hear how God sacrificed His Son for us? So often we have heard it, that we are becoming numb to the DEEP truth behind it. It took watching one of the best movies ever for me to regrasp this concept.

I was watching "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" last night and it came to the part where Aslan was walking through the woods to meet the White Witch and her evil followers. Aslan had saved the "traitor" from death by offering his own life in the boy's place. I know the story...I know what was coming next. As Aslan began walking through the crowds of disgusting monsters and as they spit and yelled at him, I started crying. I could see Jesus there, as a lion, even better than seeing Jesus in the "Passion of the Christ." Watching these gruesome creatures bind him and shave his mane only heightened my sadness. All the while as they are bringing down this incredible creature of love and hope, you watched his eyes. He was so sad but knew that he needed to do this, even knowing his fate. Aslan is pulled onto the Stone Table for the sacrifice and he makes eye contact and I literally felt like he was looking right at me.

"I'm doing this for you...."

I seriously have never felt that intense. It wasn't about the movie, it was about realizing for the first time what Jesus REALLY did for me. In return, I wanted to do something for Him. Obviously I don't think God is calling me to sacrifice my life as His son did, but I do think that God is asking me to give up something that I have relied on, stupidly, more than I have relied on Him. For me, it's food. For someone else, its control. For someone else, its a relationship. It's different for all of us. But if we really expect to deepen our intimate relationship with Christ, we are going to have to give up a hold that we've allowed Satan to have. No longer will I let myself believe that Food is my "God."