Death Will Take My Family

Welp, today we leave for Virginia...the long haul. I'm just glad that we're leaving today so we will have two full days down there. Unfortunately, we are going to have to cart Simba down there because our plans for 'pick up' with his new owners keeps falling through. Should I take this as a sign? or just God's perfect timing? Either way, we've gotten to spend a lot more time with him. It amazes me how perspective changes when you realize someone or something you love is going to be taken away from you. Everything Simba does now is ridiculously adorable to me. He's so stinkin' cute. I think I am beginning to let go a little. I'm seeing the freedom we will have and the great home he will have in the near future. It's not far away. I'm sure I'll cry...I know I will still be sad, but God is giving me peace about this transition at least.

Apparently, I'm not so good with loss. Not that anyone really is, but I feel like I'm especially bad. Thankfully, I have not had to deal with very much loss in my life. I mean honestly, my grandparents, that's it. (Well...one of my best friends in high school committed suicide, but that's a WHOLE 'nother story) Not that losing grandparents isn't hard, but its expected. It's the natural course of life. You just assume that when you get old, you will go at some point. I know God only gives you what you can handle, and I think that I wouldn't be able to handle losing someone that I love at this point in my life. I seriously have the utmost respect for people who lose a loved one, like their mother or spouse, and can make it through.

I mean, come on, I tried to bottle feed a sick kitten for 3 weeks and was on the borderline of depression when he died.

It always surprises me how you start out thinking you are just going to write a paragraph about going somewhere for Easter and somehow it turns into an article on death and loss. The fact of the matter is, is that for some reason death has been on my mind A LOT lately. I don't know why. Several nights last week I couldn't sleep because I woke up absolutely terrified that someone in my family had died. Then my mind would wander and I would, for some reason, think about if I lost Mike. It became so real to me in my head, I literally started crying in bed. Most of the people that I feel like I would be absolutely destroyed if they died, I know where their souls are. I know they are going to Heaven if they die. But for some reason, the sting doesn't go away. I'm not afraid of myself dying, just the people around me. I guess it's just one of my fears. Some people are afraid of heights, some people are afraid of spiders...I'm just afraid that death will take my family away from me.