Polishing Character

Girls Group 2 -Week 4

I'm not gonna lie. Week four is my favorite week. And not just because we get to paint our nails.

If there is one thing that I have learned since becoming a missionary (and I use that term loosely because I truly believe God calls us to be missionaries whether we live outside of our native country or not) is serving. I am going to be completely honest with you. Before I moved here, I had one genuine opportunity where I served and that was on a missions trip to Africa. Other than that it was either forced because I had to do community service for National Honor Society or because I needed "humanitarian" hours for a class. I was NOT a servant. Nor did I have a servant's heart. And even now, living on the mission field, with a special title like "missionary" that rings of servanthood and sacrifice...it's still a struggle sometimes.

There are things that Jesus did and aspects of His character that are absolutely mind-blowing to me. Because these things He did for the people, the way He treated them, how He cared for them; it was natural. He didn't have to try and care about them; He just did. He didn't have to trudge through another healing; He just did it. He didn't roll His eyes every time God asked Him to speak to the crowds or dine with prostitutes or hold a leper; He just did it. Serving was interwoven into the very core of His being.

I know its in me too. Unfortunately, years of selfishness and pride have made it a bit rusty. But every time I see these girls, every time they hug me, every time they flash a shy smile at me when I tell them how much I love them...I see how serving them can become natural.

When we read the story of Jesus washing His disciples feet it hit me all over again just what kind of God I serve. I want these girls to know it too. I want them to know just how big He really is. That He's bigger than crappy parents, abandonment and sexual abuse. He's bigger than all of it. And I'd like to believe that if Jesus were walking among us today, He'd love nothing more than to paint these little girls' toenails too.

a dear friend donated several funky nail polish colors and supplies for this class...and the girls went crazy over them!

Girls Group 2 - Week 3

This post is going to prove just how behind I am on blogging. Sheesh.

Week 3 was also Christmas week. Which for me, means party. Really, I look for any reason to party. But I wanted to make sure they knew why we celebrate Christmas. And honestly, here, getting presents and going crazy decorating and getting all wrapped up in the hustle and bustle aren't distractions. So what better time to make sure they understood the Reason for Christmas.

I had Yolibeth (from the first girls group) read the Birth of Jesus to the younger girls. Surprisingly, they were pretty attentive and not too distracted or antsy. Yoli is such a light to me. She is sweet, tender-hearted, reserved, laid back, caring, thoughtful and the list goes on. I really hope these younger girls find a way to cling to her and look up to her. She is an incredible example of a teenager doing her best to take the right paths.

There's Estefany. My little artist.

My mom sent a Christmas package down to us which included SUPER cute cupcake papers. The girls went CRAZY over them. They thought they were so adorable. It took them almost a half an hour to start digging in because they didn't want to throw the paper away. Thanks, Mama!!!

The older girls and I listened to music and cut out snowflakes. I thought it would be something fun for us to do considering none of them have EVER seen snow. They were a little unsure at first but by the end of the morning we had a pile of about 50 of them.

They also stayed after their class to help Yudy make new window treatments for the holidays. Our snowflakes fit perfectly with her theme and the girls did an awesome job. Yudy was so excited because she said it was the first time she didn't have to do it alone. She loved seeing the girls take some ownership of the church, even if it was just to make some decorations.

My teenage decorators, oh yeah, and Yudy!

It was bitter sweet saying goodbye because I knew I was going to take the next week off to spend some time with our little family. But it was a great way to close out 2011 and look forward to the New Year!

Girls Group 2 - Week 2 (continued)

Just a quick continued update on the older group.

Week 2 is a great week to chat and have fun. We cut out cute outfits from a magazine (some completely inappropriate, others super fashionable) to discuss what we should wear and why. It sparked some good conversation considering all of these girls are 15 and under and sometimes wear clothes that are a bit too provocative. We talked a lot about the difference between being "classy, sexy" and being "trashy/sexy." I finally got some laughs out of them. (And on a side note: the word "sexy" in Spanish is completely different than in English. Here it just means you look smashing.)

We added a new girl to our older girls' group, named Mirianni. She is 15 and I love her. She is spunky and sincere and she is one of the few who looks me in the eyes when she talks to me. You may think that's not a big deal but let me tell you, it is.

This group of girls has already been such a blessing to me. You can just tell that they are hungry to learn, they may not know it or admit it...but I know. I can't tell you how much I love each of them. I love them for trusting me. I love them for being honest. I love them for showing up. I know some of the hurts of their pasts and it is such a testament of God's grace that he is entrusting them to my care.

Girls Group 2 - Week 2

i am completely behind on posting but i have been working tirelessly the last couple days to catch up. so here i am. back-posting again.

Week 2 is always our body image/self-esteem/nutrition week. I have had to adjust the curriculum a little bit for this younger crew because quite frankly they aren't at the same level of understanding as the other girls. So instead of our normal cutting-outfits-out-of-a-magazine fun, we decided to draw instead. And even this proved to be a bit difficult.

The more I work with these young girls the more i realize how behind they are creatively. I mean, I understand that not everyone is capable of being Van Gogh but everyone is capable of creating. What I thought was a simple task of asking them to draw a picture of themselves, proved to be intensely difficult with some of the girls even crumpling up their papers and tears running down cheeks. No one wanted to do it on their own and almost every girl wanted to just take the one I drew of myself and put their paper over the top and trace. I, of course, wouldn't let them do it. Which is when the paper started crumpling and tears started streaming.

Estefany was one of the only girls who took the initiative to draw her own girl and soon her paper was being passed around to be traced. I sat there, as girls struggled just to draw a circle for a face or two dots for eyes and really wondered what the real issue was here.

They have colored before and they all color quite well but creating something is a totally different story. The education system here is very different from in the States. No one is in school for an entire day; they either attend morning session or afternoon session. In the case of some older students they actually start school at 6pm and end somewhere close to 10. But I imagine that a curriculum containing, legitimately, only 4 hours of school doesn't have room for art class.

I know that in the States there have been so many arguments for and against having the arts in a school curriculum. I have, obviously, always been in favor given the fact that I have always been an art student. But what some people call a waste of time, I call the ability to problem solve, create ideas and brainstorm. Art is so much more than scribbling something on a piece of paper; it is the mind's ability to be free.

I couldn't help but leave class feeling a little defeated...maybe even a little overwhelmed. I know, I know, all because of a little drawing failure. For me, it was so much more than just realizing that they can't create, it was realizing that they maybe can't even dream beyond their circumstances. They can't even think past what they are surrounded by to make a cute dress on their stick figure. They can't envision themselves going to a place they've always wanted to go.

But we move on. We keep going. I keep showing up. Because I believe that God has real purpose for placing THIS dream specifically in me. It can't be a mistake that I am an artist. It can't be a coincidence that there is nothing that ignites me more than dreams and hope and change. It may be the very thing He has me there for; to tell them if they look a little harder, dream a little bigger, that they can see beyond their circumstances.

Adele; music to my soul

God has always spoken to me through music. I don't have to be listening to praise and worship for Him to say something profound. In fact, over the years I have thought so many times that the love songs of the secular world could most definitely be translated into how I feel about Jesus.

This morning on my run, rather than listen to my normal Praise and Worship playlist, I decided to throw on some Adele. As my feet hit the pavement and my labored breaths were exhaling, the song "He Won't Go," came over my headphones. I wasn't listening very closely, as I was nearing my second mile, but suddenly some words overwhelmed my ears;

"You would choose poison over me?"

The actual lyrics are, "...he would choose the poison over me," but I could have sworn I heard it the other way. God was audibly saying to me, "Why would you choose poison over me?" Those words, no joke, rang in my head for the next five minutes trying to ponder what He was really saying. And it became clear. I have been doing so many things to get closer to my Lord and Savior. I have been soaking up everything I could possibly read that would help me walk step by step with him. I don't lie, steal, cheat, kill or commit adultery but, still, how many times do I choose "poison" over Him? How many times do I choose judgement over acceptance? How many times do I choose bitterness over joy? How many times do I choose pride over humility? More than I want to admit. But I do. I choose it. I choose to drink the poison.

God said to me, "If someone had two cups in front of you, one with poison and one with life everlasting, which would you choose?"
In my most annoying, teenage voice I said to Him, "Well, duh, life everlasting."
"Would you still choose the cup full of life everlasting even if it meant a difficult journey?"
"Yes, absolutely."
"Then why, my child, when I place my cup of life everlasting in front of you daily, do you choose to drink the poison, even if but a sip?"
"I have no idea. Because its easier?"

For me, that was it. That was why. Because its easier. It's easier to hate than to love. It's easier to ignore than be intentional. It's easier to hold a grudge than to forgive. But when Jesus said this journey would be difficult He didn't mean that around every turn there would be tragedy, even though there will be some. He meant that the road He's asking us to travel is difficult in the sense that it goes against everything that is inherent in us; in the world. It will be hard work to change what comes so easily.

I am grateful to Adele, and to God, obviously, because that tangible image, drinking poison or drinking life everlasting, makes my daily decisions a lot less difficult.

Photo of the Week-1/3-1/10

grismeily is shy, reserved and pierces your heart with a single stare. she is the youngest of four and the only girl. when i found out her mom was pregnant and that she was a girl, i don't know why, but i was so excited. maybe, if nothing else, just for her mom who was surrounded by boys. maybe because i knew she would be one loved little girl. and maybe because i thought, just maybe, her mom may warm up to me a little bit given that i had a little girl too.

you see, up until grismeily was about one month old, her shy, reserved mother was very weary of me. i had loved her boys for almost four years and said hello to her and hugged her whenever i could, but still she was very stand-offish. never rude or blatant, just weary.

when grismeily was one month old, i had been making headbands as a fundraiser for our ministry. i saw one that i had made and thought of her immediately. the next week i brought it to her mom. elisabeth's eyes lit up. she was so excited. something as small as a headband with a flower became my window of opportunity to love her as much as i loved her children.

even at age 22, elisabeth is one of the most caring, loving mothers i have ever known. even me, at 30, i don't know how she does it; caring for three boys and a baby girl. and although our friendship isn't where i would love it to be, i know for some, trusting doesn't come quickly.

grismeily and her headband, about 6 months old when she could finally wear it!

New Photo of the Week

A new Photo of the Week is up, click here.

Girls Group 2 - Week 1

Meet my new girls!

Mariela - Age 8, Yissell - Age 11, Estefany - Age 12

Rosio - Age 9, Ana Cristina - Age 8, Magdalena - Age 11

Cindy (Nena) - Age 11, Yennyfer (Uva) - Age 8, Rossy - Age 9

Grismarly (Ia) - Age 9, Eliany - Age 8, Carola - Age 10

Yanibel - Age 8

Meet my new older girls group!

Elisabeth - Age 13, Maria - Age 14

Angelica (Nana) - Age 14, Lisbeth - Age 12

It was so good to see SO many girls show up on the first day of class. We switched the time to the morning so that the girls who couldn't attend the afternoon classes because of school could participate this time around. I really enjoy being in The Hole first thing in the morning. I always go an hour early, drink coffee with the ladies (and sometimes some of my girls from the previous class) and just catch up on life.

After introductions, we started with the same craft we did with the previous class. Although it was fun to try it, it most definitely did not go as smoothly with this age group. The young girls had a lot of trouble with it, so it required A LOT of attention and explaining and re-explaining. But it was still good to introduce them to doing something creative.

There is something I'm beginning to discover that bothers me quite a bit. Growing up in "my world" I had ample opportunity to express myself artistically and creatively. Everywhere I turned there were more chances to interject myself in art projects or take a photography classes or paint murals on the walls of my high school. These girls from The Hole, it almost seems like they can't think creatively. I mean, maybe with a little direction and a lot of hand-holding, but seriously barely any of these girls could look at what I was showing them and re-create it themselves. They had to watch, had to do exactly as I did; they couldn't think of a way to do it on their own, with their own style. I'm not sure exactly what it means but I'm going to explore a little more of what seems to be causing this lack of creativity. Although, I have to note: Estefany (also called Esther) was quite artistic. She barely needed assistance and was often helping other girls with theirs. Her butterfly barrette was beautifully made and I see a lot of potential in her in possibly doing some great crafts in the future.

As we ended the day in prayer and I bowed my head, I was grateful...and frustrated. This age group (the 8-12 year olds) were hard to lasso in. They chatted and interrupted and fought with each other over a pair of scissors. I kept telling God during the prayer that I didn't think I was cut out for these younger girls, maybe I should focus on the older girls who actually listen. But I heard his gentle voice say, "Mandi, they need you too."

The more I am in The Hole, the more I fall in love with it. As I walk down the dirty staircase that leads to this building of hope, I feel my heart settle. I have a peace that shouldn't be there walking through a trash dump. But when I give kisses to little kids that jump in my arms and hug moms that I've recently befriended, I sometimes wish I didn't have to leave. Like, I just want to be there, doing life with them..whatever that may look like.

"the itch"

i've had "the itch" for a few months now. i never thought it would happen. we are comfortable where we are. things are manageable. there's very little chaos. so when "the itch" creeped in, it caught me very off guard.

i remember the first time i felt "the itch." we were in brisas de ocampo having a field day. things were pretty laid back, only a few showed up. then a dominican woman showed up carrying a tiny bundle in her arms. naturally drawn to little ones i hurried over to see.

in her arms was one of the most beautiful babies i have ever seen. her perfectly smooth complexion, her delicately wide nose, her plump baby lips. i was smitten. the woman, the baby's neighbor, asked if i wanted to hold her. i couldn't possibly resist. when i took her in my arms i noticed an ever slight tugging. "the itch" entered in.

i carried her for most of the morning. at one point as i was staring at her, and her back at me, i could almost see her tell me how sleepy she was. instinctively, i adjusted my hold to one familiar to me. one i would adjust to whenever my own babies' eyes told me the same thing. and in an instant, her eyes closed. like a sleepy spell was cast and i was left to listen to the gentle rhythm of her breathing.

hoping mike would catch "the itch" i handed her off to the arms of a daddy. i didn't know her story, or if she had a daddy of her own, but when i saw her in his arms, "the itch" took over every bit of me.

there is something more than special to see the one who cares for you and your family, care for another. and in that moment, like many moments before, i couldn't help but fall a little more in love with him. and secretly, i was hoping that he was feeling even a smidgen of how i was feeling in that moment, watching him stare at that little girl.

i don't know what to do with "the itch." i've covered it, ignored it, and tried to get rid of it. but it keeps coming back. sometimes with a force so strong i think it will never go away. i pray for clarity and for wisdom and for God's will to be done. but if nothing else should come of it, and "the itch" should fade away, i am grateful for the opportunity to be reminded, once again, of the incredible man God has given me.

Reflecting His Glory

when i was a kid, i lied a lot. i lied about everything. i even remember some friends of mine confronting me in seventh grade during track practice about my lying. jessica, jennie and crystal sat me down on the track and told me to stop lying about what brand of shoes i had on. it was one of the most uncomfortable conversations i've ever had in my life, even to this day. i knew i had been caught. i was mad at them for accusing me. i was embarrassed that they knew. i was trapped and couldn't figure out why i was lying in the first place.

when i was a teenager, i had mostly stopped lying but had taken up relationships with "bad boys." whoever told me i was pretty or complimented me on my basketball game the other night or said i did a good job acting out "romeo and juliet" in class; i clung to them. they instantly became the object of my affection despite other people around me giving me the, "what on earth are you thinking," look. i always had a deep down tug. knowing i deserved more but unable to pull myself together.

this past year, our staff at G.O. threw me a surprise party for my 30th birthday. they came up with a list of "30 things they love about goody." they made me read it out loud in front of everyone. as I was reading things like, "your positive attitude about overcoming fears," or "your sensitive heart for those in need," or "you are willing to be vulnerable which invites others to be vulnerable with you," i began to tear up. i was as uncomfortable as i could have possibly been. but i felt a sense of empowerment too. which was immediately followed by guilt for my enjoyment while reading things about myself that others thought. which made me cry harder. little did our staff know, i had a raging battle going on inside me. a battle that had been going on for 30 years.

this fall, as i began working with the young girls in the hole i felt a lot of anxiety. feeling like i needed to have a standard set. i needed so many girls to come to christ in order for me to be successful. i needed to reduce the number of teenage pregnancies by 30% in order to prove that i was being useful there. as i was thinking all of these things to myself i knew god was doing something big in me. it wasn't about my need to please or my fear of failure or my over-dependency on people's approval. it was so much deeper. and it wasn't until i went away this weekend on a little retreat with my family that god bull-horned into my heart exactly what has been going on my entire life.

i had to take emi for her nap and thought i would peruse a book shelf and read something while i was waiting for her to fall asleep. i didn't peruse at all. the first book i saw, i felt drawn to. it had never been opened and the pages were crisp and as my eyes fell upon the words there was a heat that welled up in my chest. And then I read it:

"The story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it."

i was brought to tears the instant i read it. i am brought to tears now as i write it. i knew it was the answer i had been looking for; the thing God has wanted to tell me since the day i took my first breath on this earth.

it all came together. it all made sense. why did i lie when i was a kid about the clothes i wore, or the money my parents made or that i was going to have a kangaroo at my birthday party? why did i cling so tightly to worthless boys who said something nice but had nothing else to offer me? why did i feel so uncomfortable reading a list of 30 supposedly amazing things about me that my dearest friends wrote? because satan's assault on my heart for the last 30 years has been to make me believe i'm not good enough. to make believe that i am not beautiful, or worthy or glorious in my own eyes, so how could i be to the Creator of the universe?

satan knows that if he convinced me to be fearful, and to doubt my worth, and to believe i wasn't good enough or to question God's divine plan for my life...he could paralyze me. he could banish me to a life of mundane living. he could rob me of the glory God wants to shine through me for all the world to see. he wants to keep me from telling other people, especially these broken, defeated girls in the hole, that they are a glorious reflection of God, too.

i've known most of my life that this world is at war. maybe in a more real way than many people do. i've always been aware of spiritual warfare and satan's dominion on this earth. but i had always assumed his biggest assaults were in things like, oppression and starvation and abuse. i had been blind to the fact that, in my life, he was sneakily carrying out one of his biggest, most damaging, most successful assaults that he is capable of...

...keeping me from knowing just how amazing i am.

just typing those words made me shudder a little bit. there's a little bit of a knot in my throat thinking about how people who may be reading this might react to a statement like that. but before i downward spiral into a series of explanations and retractions and studdering let me say it again. i am amazing. i am a glorious reflection of God himself. an image bearer of the Creator of the universe. i am resilient and passionate and strong. i care deeply about others and hate that satan held me captive in a lie for 30 years. and above all...i am crazy-passionate about fighting for people's freedom. and before you think that any of this is prideful or boasting or an ego trip...i'm going to let you in on a little secret; you are amazing too.

we are god's children. his glory reigns in us. he has given us all of the power we need to stomp on satan and his schemes and rescue his dear ones who are suffering. but it begins with you. believing that you are worth it. believing that you are God's most greatest joy. believing that satan has nothing on you. because he knows "what you could be and fears it." and i'll tell you what. this morning when i woke up, he shuddered when my feet hit the floor.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Nelson Mandela

(side note: the book i'm reading is called "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge. I, obviously, highly recommend it.)

She's Here!!!!

a few days after the first picture above was taken of carolina and big brother eliezer, the second picture above was taken of sweet, little steisy alina (pronounced stay-cee uh-leen-a). she was born on december 15th at about 10:30 am via c-section. they didn't tell us her weight or her length. just that she was healthy and content.

it was a little shocking for me to walk into a room to see steisy and her mom and have to greet five other moms who had all just given birth within the last 24 hours. carolina had just had her c-section a few hours before and had no privacy to recover. i wanted to wheel her into a private room, grab a nurse to be at her every beck and call and paint over the peeling teal walls with a soothing periwinkle. seemed like another life away.

this little beauty is the first baby born from one of the girls in my pregnant mom's class. i've been waiting for so long to meet her. and she was SO worth the wait.

a few weeks ago, carolina asked if i would be steisy's madrina, or basically, her godmother. i, of course, said yes. i couldn't imagine wanting anything more. i held her for two hours straight and stared at her as she slept peacefully.

carolina and her little girl went home to the hole the day after and are both recuperating well. continue to pray for both of them as they adjust to this new norm. especially be praying for steisy, as the last time i talked with carolina, steisy was having some trouble latching on and carolina desperately wants to breastfeed.

so overjoyed with this new life. can't wait to watch her grow up.

Week 8 - The Last Class

the final class came. i was dreading it on one hand and looking forward to it on the other. dreading it because we were going to talk about sex (yikes!) and because no more seeing these girls weekly. looking forward to it because, lets be honest, its always a good feeling when something comes to completion.

i combined the two classes and had our pregnant girls join the others. which proved to be a good decision. when talking about sex, its always good to have people that have been in their shoes. sometimes kids don't want to hear about sex from adults who are old! (i used that term very gently because i am NOT old...haha!) my 13-year old that is pregnant was able to speak more honestly about being a teenager and being pregnant than i could having been pregnant in my 20's. and it was good. she let them know it wasn't easy. she couldn't get comfortable. she couldn't sleep well. she didn't know if she'd know how to care for a baby when her's was born. i was thinking in my head, "i felt all those things and i wasn't even a teenager."

we talked about the more serious side of sex as well; as a number of girls i've spoken to on this island (not just in The Hole) have been sexually abused as children. it's never easy to talk about it but i felt it incredibly necessary because of the girls i've spoken to who have been abused they: 1) never told anyone 2) acted as if it was just a part of life, and 3) were threatened by their abuser that if they did tell, they would kill them. i feel that, unfortunately, sexual abuse is more the norm here than just an exception. we could probably have a year long class on just how to heal from those types of deep wounds.

we also spoke on protection, STDs, being smart and abstinence. obviously, as a christian, i think that abstinence is the best route. even though i didn't choose that in my youth, as an adult i see the truth behind this biblical principal. but...i also have to be realistic. these girls are part of a culture where sometimes even in christian circles, living with someone before being "officially" married is acceptable. and just like the youth in America, most people will not wait for their future spouse. for me, the best thing besides abstinence is helping them to be informed.

when i started these groups i told them that first and foremost, i am a christian woman. transformed by my relationship with God and redeemed of my past by the blood of his son, Jesus. but secondly, i want them to know they can trust me. that i will not judge them and that i was there to teach them from my own experiences. that i care about them and their futures. and when it comes to the "sex talk" none of that changes. yes, i want nothing more for them to wait for the husband God has prepared for them. but if they don't choose that themselves, i want them to be healthy and smart. now, i did bring a five-page sheet on all the main STDs that can be contracted with photos showing sores and bugs and oozing stuff. hopefully that helps them to make better decisions :)

and with our sex talk concluded, we ate, drank and enjoyed time together. and it was my favorite part.

God put something in my heart that i could have never put there myself. he gave me a responsibility to care for these girls that is bigger than i am able to accomplish alone. i have shed more than enough tears over the burdens i bare knowing the stories of these brave girls. and i wouldn't change a single moment of it. i have never depended on God more than in these last 8 weeks. i have never lost more sleep praying for anyone in the darkness of night. i have never felt more joy (apart from my wedding day and birth of my children) than watching God do a work in them. even if i never see the final outcome of what God is doing in their lives. even if it is as small as a mustard seed. because we all know what our Father says about mustard seeds.

"...Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." -Matthew 17:20

A Mother's Story

In 2008, I was asked to run over to a nearby hospital and take pictures of a little boy who had just had surgery. G.O. came to his aid when they learned of his condition from his pastor, Felix Abreu. I remember I had a lot to do that day and tons of stuff on my mind and, quite frankly, I wanted a pity party for myself because I had to stop everything I was doing to take a couple pictures anyone could take. But it was my job. I needed to go.

I arrived at the hospital, hiked it up 4 flights of stairs and entered a room. I caught his eyes. They were hurting. He cried almost at the sight of me and was more uncomfortable than he already was, just at my presence. He didn't know me. His Grandmother and his Pastor were the only other people in the room and I could tell he would rather leave it that way.

I took my pictures and was about to leave when Felix said, "We don't know if this one is going to work." He explained that his stomach gases were already out of control and I could see little tiny bubbles leaving his lips as if someone had put too much soap in a dishwasher and it was bubbling out. Little Wilson couldn't control it. He couldn't stop it. His eyebrows dented inward with worry and pain. I walked over and touched his arm and told him I would be praying for him. I had to get out of there before Niagara Falls spilled over.

Closing the door, the tears fell. In an instant, a poor, suffering little boy changed me. I hated myself for whining about one more photograph to take when I should have been overwhelmed with gratitude that this is what I get to do everyday.

Fast forward to present day...Wilson still struggles. The surgery didn't take. He was left in his debilitating condition. But hope arrived in the form of a doctor and a hospital who were touched by him the same way I was three years ago.

Please watch this video to see his story. Please pray for him as the process has started for him to get an emergency medical visa to be taken to the U.S. and have life-saving, life-changing surgery.

Week 7 - Labor and Delivery

Oh, the daunting task of talking about the most difficult hours of a woman's life. Add to that daunting task the fact that the mother's are teenagers (minus Carolina). I kept it positive, reminding them that at the end of some of the most difficult hours of their lives, they will be holding the most beautiful thing they have ever seen.

We discussed pros and cons for both natural birth and C-section. Culturally, almost all women choose to have a C-section, somewhere close to 90%. I explained the importance of a vaginal birth, if they are able, considering how young they are and some of the difficulties associated with C-sections in the country they live in. But told them that they need to listen to their doctors and do what they say is best.

Although I had an emergency C-section with Landon and a planned one with Emi, I had all the comforts of amazing post-op care and really good pain meds. It's not that way in the Dominican. A friend of mine who recently gave birth via C-section only stayed in the public hospital for a little over 24 hours. She was sent home with Tylenol and a little bit of cream for her incision. Because of the high rate of drug trafficking here, it is pretty difficult to come by any type of narcotics. Good in one sense; keeping it off the market. Bad for Mom's recovering from a C-section. It was awful, seeing how much pain she had. I remember having pain even while taking Codeine, I couldn't imagine it with just a little Tylenol.

We talked about relaxation techniques, about who would be at the hospital with them and any other questions they had. I planned on showing them a 3-D delivery video but right as I was getting ready to download it and bring it to class, our electricity went out. No video.

But it was ok, we ended the class with a really good salad that Yudy and Carolina made and a couple of the girls from our girls group trickled in to join in our feast. It was such a good time sharing my experiences with these girls about labor and birth just as many women had shared their experiences with me.

Week 6 - Serving

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

I am always blown away by the characteristics of Jesus. He knows all things. Is all things. Sovereign. Supreme. Almighty. And yet, He was the most humble of us all. He doesn't possess ugly pride or feel that he is owed anything.

I wanted to teach my girls a lesson that was uncomfortable and necessary. Many times in cultures where extreme poverty is prominent, people think they can only do what is needed to survive. I know, easy for me to say. I don't live in extreme poverty. But I see it everyday. I breathe it everyday. I ache over it everyday. And God is teaching me very intentionally of not selling people short of His will for them just because of their circumstances. They are still capable of serving and loving others. In fact, God calls them too.

I read them the passage above, in fact, I read the whole story of Jesus washing His disciples feet. In Spanish. If nothing more than to be vulnerable with them. To show them how imperfect I am but still willing to do what was necessary. Teach them about serving others.

They were uncomfortable, and rightly so. In a place where most people just wear flipflops, people's feet are the most dirty of any part of the body. But it was the same in Jesus' time. That's one of the reason the disciples were so uncomfortable with the King of Kings washing their dirtiest parts. But that is why Jesus did it. It is the lowest one can get, doing the dirtiest job one can do.

I'll admit. It was fun for me to watch the girls wiggle and squirm. Some of these girls act like they are the Queen of Queens but without the humility that Jesus possesses. It was awesome seeing something that they were so awkward about in the beginning and pushing through and doing joyfully towards the end. I watched some of them transform into servants right before my eyes. The kind, I hope, one day all of them can be.

To bring in the "girly" aspect of serving, we then painted our freshly cleaned nails. No one was allowed to paint their own nails, they had to "serve" someone else in this way. All the while, the other women and I answered questions some of them had. It ranged anywhere from "How does someone learn to be humble?" to "How do I know when I'm in love?" It felt like we were in a real Dominican salon, talking about life and giving out advice!

I was super glad my friend, Brenda, showed up towards the end of our class. She jokingly calls me her Mom and the grandmother of her two children. I've been looking for a way that I can serve her and let her just be a teenager. So I painted her nails.

I never know if anything I say or anything I tell them about my past experiences is making a difference to them. If anything is sinking in. In fact, I've been praying, asking God to give me a little bit of encouragement to just know that what I'm doing is what He needs me to do there. My encouragement came.

While everyone was painting their nails and jabbering about this or that, one of my pregnant girls came into our class. She sat on a bench just watching and listening and talking to the other teachers. All of a sudden and without being asked, my 10-year old, Iveth, got up from getting her nails painted, knelt down and began washing Carolina's feet. I grabbed my camera (if nothing else so the girls didn't see me tearing up) and felt God just saying, "I will make a way."

It has been such a joy learning about these girls. It has been hard too, just knowing some of things they've gone through and are going through. But I've never been more sure of what God has called me to. Being a servant and teaching others to be one too.

Week 5 - Relationships and a Look into the Second Trimester

With the Mariposas we talked about Relationships. Instead of the over-used conversations on the "do's" and "don'ts" about dating I decided to focus on the characteristics of a Godly young women and of Godly young men.

We had several characteristics which correlated with bible verses. If you're interested, the bible verses for the women were:

1 Timothy 2:9
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
2 Timothy 2:24
1 Peter 3:4
Proverbs 31:11-12, 20 & 26

For the men:

Proverbs 12:11, 15, 18-19
Proverbs 15:33
Proverbs 16:32
Proverbs 28:13
Proverbs 29:7

I gave them a homework assignment to really think about what kind of qualities that would like in a future spouse. They were very eager to start that list. I am very eager to hear their lists next week!

It was photo day for the pregnant girls! I love this day. I love to see those bellies growing!

Yuleidy at 21 weeks and 25 weeks...she is having a GIRL!!!! (Due in January)

Yoeily at 16 weeks and 20 weeks...she is having a BOY!!! (Due in February)

Carolina at 24 weeks and 29 weeks...she is having a GIRL!!! (Due in December)

In the next few months we are going to be having a lot of adorable newborns and new moms. Please be praying for these new moms as they start their transition into motherhood. Pray that I can be a support to them and can be a good example for them as well. That we can have some good conversations before their lives change forever.

If you would like to partner with this ministry, please contact me at amanda.braisted@go-ministries or go to the GIVE tab at the top of this page to find out how.

Week 4 - A Break

In Week four, I had some other commitments with our Staff at G.O. and was unable to "teach" the classes in The Hole. So I instructed the other teachers to make some coffee, have some crackers or cookies and just enjoy time with each other. From all the testimonials...it appeared to be a great time. The girls had stories and inside jokes and they all giggled talking about the conversations they had. I was so happy to know that they enjoyed this time together. That it was relaxed and fun but still informative. I'll admit, I was a little jealous I wasn't there for all of that.

If you would like to partner with this ministry, please contact me at amanda.braisted@go-ministries or go to the GIVE tab at the top of this page to find out how.