Thursday, January 05, 2012

"the itch"

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i've had "the itch" for a few months now. i never thought it would happen. we are comfortable where we are. things are manageable. there's very little chaos. so when "the itch" creeped in, it caught me very off guard.

i remember the first time i felt "the itch." we were in brisas de ocampo having a field day. things were pretty laid back, only a few showed up. then a dominican woman showed up carrying a tiny bundle in her arms. naturally drawn to little ones i hurried over to see.

in her arms was one of the most beautiful babies i have ever seen. her perfectly smooth complexion, her delicately wide nose, her plump baby lips. i was smitten. the woman, the baby's neighbor, asked if i wanted to hold her. i couldn't possibly resist. when i took her in my arms i noticed an ever slight tugging. "the itch" entered in.

i carried her for most of the morning. at one point as i was staring at her, and her back at me, i could almost see her tell me how sleepy she was. instinctively, i adjusted my hold to one familiar to me. one i would adjust to whenever my own babies' eyes told me the same thing. and in an instant, her eyes closed. like a sleepy spell was cast and i was left to listen to the gentle rhythm of her breathing.

hoping mike would catch "the itch" i handed her off to the arms of a daddy. i didn't know her story, or if she had a daddy of her own, but when i saw her in his arms, "the itch" took over every bit of me.

there is something more than special to see the one who cares for you and your family, care for another. and in that moment, like many moments before, i couldn't help but fall a little more in love with him. and secretly, i was hoping that he was feeling even a smidgen of how i was feeling in that moment, watching him stare at that little girl.

i don't know what to do with "the itch." i've covered it, ignored it, and tried to get rid of it. but it keeps coming back. sometimes with a force so strong i think it will never go away. i pray for clarity and for wisdom and for God's will to be done. but if nothing else should come of it, and "the itch" should fade away, i am grateful for the opportunity to be reminded, once again, of the incredible man God has given me.

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