Photo of the Week-2/12-2/19

meet linda (pronounced leen-dah; means cute, adorable, beautiful). hey there, pretty girl. she lives in the hole and she's been my photo of the week before. except before, i didn't know her. before, she cried at the sight of me. before, i hadn't stepped into her world.

it's been a strange transition working so closely to the ministry happening in the hole. i figured i would become more emotionally numb to it since i see it at such close proximity. but, quite frankly, the opposite has happened.

i remember when i was explaining life in the hole to a short-term missions team for the first time after i began working there. i said my usual stuff, expressed the need there, shared how tough life can be. and i cried. like, to the point that i just wanted to jump out of the van, find a corner and curl up in it. it no longer was just a story i told. it was her story. linda's story. i know kids now whose parents leave in the morning to go to work, lock their kids out of the house and make them fend for themselves until they get home. i know girls who are basically child prostitutes with no self-esteem or feeling of worth. i know parents who hardly have enough food to feed themselves, let alone their eight children. and it breaks my heart even more knowing their real life stories.

but for me, what keeps me coming back, what keeps me taking the long staircase down into this dump are the smiles i get when i turn the alley to the church. linda, who was so petrified of me two years ago, is now one of my most enthusiastic welcomers. she will stop whatever she is doing, run barefoot and jump over trash and dirty water just to rest comfortably in my arms. talk about redeeming people. god's already working on her little heart, changing it from fear and uncertainty to trust and love.

To see what He sees...

I've read over and re-wrote this post several times. Nothing I wrote ever seemed right. I've searched and prayed and contemplated why this could be and have come up empty handed. The fact is, explaining what you see does this place no justice. All of the most eloquent words in the world could not accurately describe the feelings you feel as you walk through Phaeton. I've felt pain, hopelessness, adoration, gratefulness, confusion, hope...and the list goes on.

Within my first hour in Phaeton, I had this uneasy feeling. Praying, I asked, "God, how can I accurately depict what you are doing here? I don't even know what I am feeling, how can I explain that to others?" I usually hear some type of response in my head, be it the holy spirit or my own ponderings but after a while of silence I simply said, "Ok, then, can you just help me see this place how you see it? Can you help my camera capture how your heart feels for this place?" Without Him even having to respond, the uneasy feeling I had before simply disappeared and I had a zest for capturing my surroundings like I hadn't had in months. Sometimes God speaks so audibly, giving me clear direction and instruction. That day in Phaeton, He didn't need to say anything...He just gave me a little nod as He allowed me to see a place He loves through His eyes.

To read my Haiti experience last year, click here.

Polishing Character

Girls Group 2 -Week 4

I'm not gonna lie. Week four is my favorite week. And not just because we get to paint our nails.

If there is one thing that I have learned since becoming a missionary (and I use that term loosely because I truly believe God calls us to be missionaries whether we live outside of our native country or not) is serving. I am going to be completely honest with you. Before I moved here, I had one genuine opportunity where I served and that was on a missions trip to Africa. Other than that it was either forced because I had to do community service for National Honor Society or because I needed "humanitarian" hours for a class. I was NOT a servant. Nor did I have a servant's heart. And even now, living on the mission field, with a special title like "missionary" that rings of servanthood and sacrifice...it's still a struggle sometimes.

There are things that Jesus did and aspects of His character that are absolutely mind-blowing to me. Because these things He did for the people, the way He treated them, how He cared for them; it was natural. He didn't have to try and care about them; He just did. He didn't have to trudge through another healing; He just did it. He didn't roll His eyes every time God asked Him to speak to the crowds or dine with prostitutes or hold a leper; He just did it. Serving was interwoven into the very core of His being.

I know its in me too. Unfortunately, years of selfishness and pride have made it a bit rusty. But every time I see these girls, every time they hug me, every time they flash a shy smile at me when I tell them how much I love them...I see how serving them can become natural.

When we read the story of Jesus washing His disciples feet it hit me all over again just what kind of God I serve. I want these girls to know it too. I want them to know just how big He really is. That He's bigger than crappy parents, abandonment and sexual abuse. He's bigger than all of it. And I'd like to believe that if Jesus were walking among us today, He'd love nothing more than to paint these little girls' toenails too.

a dear friend donated several funky nail polish colors and supplies for this class...and the girls went crazy over them!

Girls Group 2 - Week 3

This post is going to prove just how behind I am on blogging. Sheesh.

Week 3 was also Christmas week. Which for me, means party. Really, I look for any reason to party. But I wanted to make sure they knew why we celebrate Christmas. And honestly, here, getting presents and going crazy decorating and getting all wrapped up in the hustle and bustle aren't distractions. So what better time to make sure they understood the Reason for Christmas.

I had Yolibeth (from the first girls group) read the Birth of Jesus to the younger girls. Surprisingly, they were pretty attentive and not too distracted or antsy. Yoli is such a light to me. She is sweet, tender-hearted, reserved, laid back, caring, thoughtful and the list goes on. I really hope these younger girls find a way to cling to her and look up to her. She is an incredible example of a teenager doing her best to take the right paths.

There's Estefany. My little artist.

My mom sent a Christmas package down to us which included SUPER cute cupcake papers. The girls went CRAZY over them. They thought they were so adorable. It took them almost a half an hour to start digging in because they didn't want to throw the paper away. Thanks, Mama!!!

The older girls and I listened to music and cut out snowflakes. I thought it would be something fun for us to do considering none of them have EVER seen snow. They were a little unsure at first but by the end of the morning we had a pile of about 50 of them.

They also stayed after their class to help Yudy make new window treatments for the holidays. Our snowflakes fit perfectly with her theme and the girls did an awesome job. Yudy was so excited because she said it was the first time she didn't have to do it alone. She loved seeing the girls take some ownership of the church, even if it was just to make some decorations.

My teenage decorators, oh yeah, and Yudy!

It was bitter sweet saying goodbye because I knew I was going to take the next week off to spend some time with our little family. But it was a great way to close out 2011 and look forward to the New Year!

Girls Group 2 - Week 2 (continued)

Just a quick continued update on the older group.

Week 2 is a great week to chat and have fun. We cut out cute outfits from a magazine (some completely inappropriate, others super fashionable) to discuss what we should wear and why. It sparked some good conversation considering all of these girls are 15 and under and sometimes wear clothes that are a bit too provocative. We talked a lot about the difference between being "classy, sexy" and being "trashy/sexy." I finally got some laughs out of them. (And on a side note: the word "sexy" in Spanish is completely different than in English. Here it just means you look smashing.)

We added a new girl to our older girls' group, named Mirianni. She is 15 and I love her. She is spunky and sincere and she is one of the few who looks me in the eyes when she talks to me. You may think that's not a big deal but let me tell you, it is.

This group of girls has already been such a blessing to me. You can just tell that they are hungry to learn, they may not know it or admit it...but I know. I can't tell you how much I love each of them. I love them for trusting me. I love them for being honest. I love them for showing up. I know some of the hurts of their pasts and it is such a testament of God's grace that he is entrusting them to my care.